Landslide
by Devil Woman
Summary: Natasha begins to have doubts over her relationship with Bruce and prompts him about it, which leads to a revelation as to why Natasha is having such troubling thoughts.


Landslide

By Devil Woman

DISCLAIMER: All characters are copy righted by Disney/Marvel. I own nothing.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wanted to write a Bruce/Natasha story in which it was Natasha (not Bruce, which is typical of this pairing) that had self-doubts about their relationship as the main focal point. Read and Review!

* * *

She looked over at the man sleeping next to her. Why did nearly all men look like little boys when they were asleep? Perhaps it was her opinion, but with him it was especially true. She watched as he lay in bed, shirtless and curled up against his pillow. His glasses where on the nightstand, neatly folded. He always looked charming with his glasses on, but then again, he only used them for reading or doing experiments in the lab. She smiled at the thought. Regardless, the man sleeping beside her in the bed the two shared was attractive no matter his appearance. She brushed a few strands of his dark brown hair away from his forehead. He stirred slightly, but didn't wake. It was rather early in the morning and the sun had just starting to rise. She looked out the window as the new day's light was greeting the city skyline. Climbing quietly out of bed, she slipped into her lounge pants and t-shirt before leaving the bedroom and careful not to wake her partner.

Natasha was making a cup of coffee and skimming through the morning newspaper while her cup was brewing. Bruce always read the paper, but she always picked it apart to find the weekend sections and coupons. There were times she did read the other sections of the paper, but Natasha had to comment on Bruce's habit of reading the obituaries.

"You really shouldn't read something so depressing first thing in the morning."

"It's always interesting to read how one has died and how they have lived their lives." Bruce would tell Natasha. He then noticed the melancholy look on the Russian's face.

"I'm sorry." He would say, feeling guilty.

"No, it's OK. It just reminds me of my days with the Red Room, that's all…you don't have to stop reading them for my sake."

Bruce hated when he upset her. He did stop reading them for a while, but Natasha would often find that section lying about. She wondered if he ever figured out that she knew about him reading the obituary section again. It didn't matter…

Taking her coffee cup, Natasha went out onto the patio and sat on the padded bench. The view from high atop the Avenger's tower was breath taking. You had not only a view of the skyline, but you could also make out the neighboring state's border as well. Natasha loved how quiet it was this morning. Luckily for her and Bruce, their team mates where away for the week on various excursions. Both Clint and Steve where on away missions, Thor was back in Asgard and Tony was off on some business engagement for Stark Enterprises. With an empty headquarters for the two of them to use, Natasha and Bruce decided to have an impromptu vacation. The last several days where wonderful: They went to the movies, had dinner out and did what normal couples do.

Natasha huffed at the word "normal". How funny to say that Bruce and her where a normal couple? He was a scientist that became a giant green beast and she was a former enemy of the state with enhancements done by a former Russian crime facility. They may be far from normal, but both Natasha and Bruce took comfort in one another…although now Natasha was starting to have some doubts creep into her psyche…

The sliding door opened from behind. "Good morning." A voice said. Natasha turned to see Bruce walk out. He had on a sweatshirt and his lounge pants from the night before. He carried a cup of coffee in one hand and with the other Bruce had another sweatshirt draped over his arm. He handed the sweatshirt to Natasha.

"It's a bit chilly out here. Figured you might need this."

"Thank you." She said and slipped the piece of clothing over her upper body. It was Bruce's sweatshirt; Natasha could smell his cologne as she pulled the sweatshirt over her. Whatever the scent was it always a comforting smell to her.

"You're up early." She told him.

"So are you. Well, you are up earlier than you normally are."

"True…I just felt like not going back to sleep."

The two sat in silence for a bit, watching the sun spread its rays unto the world. Bruce had slide over to Natasha's side and placed an arm around her shoulders. He nuzzled the side of her head and kissed her softly on the forehead. "I think I should get up early more often." Bruce told her as they grasped hands. Natasha leaned in slightly against Bruce.

"Me too. Bruce…is this how normal couples act?"

"What do you mean?"

"I think you know what I mean. Normal couples act like just like we are now: loving and caressing one another."

Bruce was starting to become concerned. He never heard Natasha become so worried over the status of their relationship. In fact, what she had just said was something he would have said!

"Natasha, why on earth would you ask me something like that?!"

She bolted up and stared at Bruce, unsure how to answer. "I…I don't know." For the normally confident spy this feeling of uncertainty was new for her. She grabbed her coffee and went back inside.

Bruce didn't know how to react. Since they had been dating for a while now, it had been Natasha to provide the positive reassurance to Bruce. But now that Natasha was experiencing the lack of confidence that he once had, Bruce was at a loss. While it was crystal clear as to why Bruce had trouble building romantic relationships (a big green elephant in the room was the culprit), with Natasha it was hard to pin down. Bruce might have to use the rest of their downtime to find out why.

When he went back inside, he didn't bring up Natasha's strange comment once more. She was oddly quiet as they ate breakfast, but as the day progressed, her mood brightened. Later that evening, the two where in the training room. Bruce was helping Natasha practice her fighting skills via a standing punching bag. He held it tightly as she made jabs and kicks at it.

"You should really come down here more often, Bruce. I could really use a new sparring partner."

"Thanks, but I think I'll just stick to the lab with the occasional gym crawls." While Bruce was a man of science by trade, he did light workouts every now and then to take his mind off other things.

"Whatever you say, hun." Natasha said.

"Speaking of sayings. Natasha, care to explain what happened this morning?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked as she gave the punching bag a good whack.

"You asked me if we're a normal couple. Why would you ask a question like that?"

"Dunno…must have been still drowsy." Natasha was trying to dodge Bruce's questions. Feeling frustrated, but trying to keep his cool, Bruce continued.

"Natasha…what happened this morning. That's not the woman I've come to know and love. Why would someone who exudes confidence ask me such a pitiful question and not provide a concrete answer?"

Natasha paused. She stared directly at Bruce. "I wanted your answer this morning and you never gave it."

"Does it matter if I think our actions are what 'normal' couples do? The only thing I care about is you. And why are you acting like this?" he retorted. Natasha shifted in awkwardness. She didn't like how Bruce was putting her on the spot.

"I just…"

"Just what? You just want to complicate things and drive us apart?"

Natasha's head shot up at Bruce's accusation. "Bruce! I would never do such a thing! I love you."

"Then why does it feel like you are second guessing yourself?"

Natasha stood quietly for a moment. She sighed and left the room, leaving Bruce with more questions than answers.

* * *

Bruce was getting ready for bed and noticed that Natasha wasn't in bed. She would be reading or listening to music before falling asleep. He knew where to find her.

High atop the roof of the tower, Natasha gazed out at the city, all lit up against the night sky. She zipped up her sweatshirt, as a breeze kicked up. Natasha blamed Clint for her coming up here whenever she needed to clear her head (it was a habit the archer often did). It was one of the only things that came out of that relationship.

"Natasha! Come inside!" a voice called to her, shouting against the wind. She turned around and saw Bruce in the doorway leading downstairs to the living quarters.

"Go away Bruce! I just want to be left alone!" she said, battling the wind as well.

"Natasha, please! Let me try and help you."

The look on Bruce's face was one of helplessness. He didn't know what was wrong, but he was willing to try and figure out what was bothering her. Natasha got up and went over to him. Smiling, Bruce escorted her inside and closed the door behind them as they made their way down the stairs. Sitting on the couch, Bruce and Natasha where ready to talk.

"So…what's up?" Bruce asked. Natasha scoffed humorously at his attempt to lighten the mood.

"You sound like Tony."

"Hey, I guess some of his mannerisms have rubbed off unto me." He chuckled. "Still, I want to know what's going on with you." Bruce was back to being serious again. "Why are you having doubts about our relationship?"

Natasha was silent for a moment. "Bruce." She finally said. "If we weren't involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. and all this superhero stuff…would we even be a couple?"

He had to meditate on the question. "I can't say for certain." Was the only answer he provided her. She was silent once more. Bruce took Natasha's hand in his and gently squeezed it.

"Natasha…"

"Bruce…" she said, averting her eyes in guilt. He knew this was hard on the both of them.

"Are you afraid of taking our relationship to the next step? If you are, so am I. If it's true, let us work together. Please…tell me what's bother you."

Bruce's words rang clear to the Russian. Natasha looked at his face. His face full of worry for the one he loved. She knew she had a bad habit of being distant to others and it was time to come clean. "Bruce, you hit the nail on the head." She finally spoke. "But I have every good reason why. Do you remember when I used to date Clint?"

He nodded. It was pretty much an open secret. In fact, everyone always suspected that Clint and Natasha where more than they appeared. And when they broke up, it seemed all was well between the two. They did have a period of not working together due to the end of their romantic relationship, but Clint and Natasha managed to put their feelings aside and where now able to work side by side once more.

"Clint and I had a wonderful bond. We were actually thinking about settling down and retiring from all this. But the one thing that every couple must go through pretty much destroyed our chances of leading a 'normal' life."

"And what was that?"

"The idea of starting a family."

Bruce was surprised by this revelation. In the time that they had been together, neither he nor Natasha where too keen on the possibility of children. The topic of having a child wasn't even brought up!

"You and Clint would have made wonderful parents." Bruce said with sincerity.

"I thought so too. He knew that due to my upbringing via the Red Room that having a child was out of the question. But Clint was always hopeful it could happen. And sure enough, I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked! I didn't think I was able to even bear children! Never less, when I told Clint, he was ecstatic. Now that I look back on it, we should have told you and the rest of the team. But the both of us wanted to make sure it was true."

"So I went to the doctor and it was official: I was going to have a baby. While Clint was thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father, I was apprehensive. But with every doubt I had over impending motherhood, Clint was there to cheer me up. If only he was like that the day I…"

Natasha grew somber. Bruce knew what was upsetting her. He drew her close and embraced her. "I was the one who found you on the kitchen floor." Like Natasha, Bruce hated being reminded of that day.

Bruce had gone into the kitchen to get something to drink when he found Natasha on the floor by the sink. She had been complaining about painful cramps for the past several days and was taking it easy when it happened. In an attempt to refill her glass of water, Natasha had collapsed, placing her arms over her lower abdomen. Screaming and crying from the extreme pain, Bruce noticed the blood and immediately called 911. While Natasha was being taken to the hospital, Bruce and the rest of his team mates tried getting a hold of Clint (he was running errands), but to no avail. They finally did manage to not only locate Clint, but arrive at the hospital just as Natasha was finished being examined.

The doctor on duty confirmed the worst: she had had a miscarriage. Everyone in the waiting room stood in complete silence from the shocking news. For the most part, Bruce, Tony and Steve had no idea that Natasha was pregnant. But it was the reaction Clint had that solidified how he truly felt upon hearing those words. With a dumb-struck look on his face, he fell into the chair with a thud, staring ahead. The doctor tried to console Clint, but no response came out of him. Sighing, the doctor let the group know it was OK to see Natasha whenever they felt ready.

After the doctor left, no one knew what to do or say next. Ironically, it was Clint who spoke first. "I'll go check up on her." He said in a monotone voice and got up to go to her room. Wanting to give the couple some space, Bruce, Tony and Steve waited in the lobby once more. After a half hour or so past, Clint came out. He darted past his team mates so fast that no one could keep up with him. "Clint!" Steve called out to him, but he didn't respond. They all wanted to chase after him, but the men forced themselves not to.

Afterwards, they took turns visiting and consoling Natasha. She was in no better shape than Clint was. When she was finally discharged from the hospital, Natasha spent the next several weeks on bed rest and battling depression caused by the miscarriage. Bruce, Tony and Steve did their best to nurse Natasha back to health, but things between her and Clint where strained. When he would come to visit her, it was clear that the once happy couple was now a ghost of its former self.

One day, Clint had let his team mates know he was taking some time off. "I need to clear my head." Was his reasoning behind the sudden leave. He swung his duffle bag over his shoulder before proceeding to the elevator, not even looking back. He was gone for quite some time. He seemed to have dropped off the face of the earth, as no one was able to get in contact with him. The group, while worried about Clint's well-being, knew why he was avoiding their phone call and e-mails…they didn't need to even bring it up.

Finally after Natasha was healthy once again, Clint showed up back at the tower, unannounced. It was a pins and needles moment. How would Natasha and Clint react to one another now after what they had gone through? "Can you guys give us a moment?" Natasha asked. Bruce, Tony and Steve complied and ended up leaving the tower to go shoot some pool and have a few drinks at a local bar. They became so engrossed in their game that it was a text from Natasha (then Clint) to Tony asking when they were coming back. When they returned, the men found the couple sitting at opposite ends of the couch, looking downhearted and not at one other. There were no words that anyone could say, it was made clear by air in the room: Clint and Natasha where done.

* * *

"I always figured your miscarriage was the straw that broke the camel's back." Bruce told Natasha. She nodded in agreement. It had been over a year since it happened. While it was easier to discuss it, the miscarriage still caused some emotional distress for the Russian.

"That day at the hospital…Clint was upset, as you were well aware. He really wanted to have a child to carry his name and be the father that he never got to have."

"He was worried about you." Bruce had talked to Clint shortly before he took off when Natasha was still recovering. "He just didn't know how to give you the right kind of support."

"I understand his decision to the leave at the time. But when he came back afterwards…the both of us knew that there was no way we could salvage the relationship. We were apart for too long. It should have been the both of us working together to overcome our loss; we tried to tackle it individually and it failed. So, now you know why I asked you that question earlier today. If we were to ever have anything happen like what Clint and I experienced, would you consider our reactions similar to what a 'normal' couple would go through?"

Bruce remained quiet. He didn't want to be hasty with his answer. He knew that with the Other Guy, any type of strong emotion Bruce was experiencing would trigger him to come out. But how would he react in a similar situation? It was already hard for him and Natasha to be intimate together, the possibility of Natasha experiencing something as crippling as a miscarriage would result in Bruce have a strong reaction…a reaction so great that his other self would appear…and that always ended badly.

"Natasha…I prefer not to use terms like 'normal' to describe our relationship. In fact, I find our relationship perfect."

"How so?"

"We are not the typical definition of 'normal'. Quite frankly, most people would consider us freaks. But that's not how I see it. The two of us may have difficult hurdles to climb, but at least we can do it together. And if you, Natasha, are having any difficulty in anything, I'll be sure to pick you up, heal you and see you get over that hurdle…even if it means I have to sacrifice myself in order to do so."

She had heard this before from her past boyfriends (Clint included). But when Bruce said that all-too familiar declaration of love and support…he truly meant every word. Natasha remembered when she was recovering last year. It was in the middle of the night when she knocked on his bedroom door. Bruce saw opened the door and saw her at her weakest: scared, broken and crying. He let her in and closed the door for privacy.

They sat on his bed and talked in short sentences. While their conversation wasn't in full detail, Natasha saw that just by listening and reading her queues, Bruce was able to provide the right amount of comfort for her to feel better. They ended up falling asleep in Bruce's bed with him holding her in a gentle embrace. Natasha recalled waking up with her face still wet from the tears she had cried. She had stained Bruce's t-shirt with those tears, but he didn't seem to mind. Natasha realized that he would always be there for her, despite what had happened. It didn't matter that he knew about her tainted past or her then-current troubles with Clint. Just by listening to her and providing warm, caring advice and support, Bruce was going to be a valued person in Natasha's life.

It was after she and Clint had ended their relationship that Natasha started to develop feelings for the scientist. She knew he clearly liked her, but Natasha wasn't sure where to pinpoint Bruce's feelings toward her. He was her friend, but could it also mean something more? Natasha got her answer when she returned from a solo mission after she was deemed fit enough to return to work. She had arrived at the tower when she saw Bruce coming from the lab. He was minding his own business when he looked up and saw her.

"Welcome back." Bruce told Natasha and smiled.

"Thanks." She replied. At first hesitating, but then she went over to Bruce and gave him a hug.

It seemed that the scientist would be shocked at how inviting Natasha's affection toward him where at that moment. The spy wasn't what you would call a "touchy-feely" type of person. But to her pleasant surprise, Bruce accepted her hug and held her close.

"I missed you." "I missed you too."

They looked at one another and both knew what the other was thinking. After all that Natasha had gone through with the pain and sadness of her illness and the end of her and Clint's former romance, Bruce had been there to guide her and help her recover back to wellness. And now it felt time to develop another relationship. But this time, it would be with him.

"Bruce…you're right. We may not be 'normal', but what matters is how we face challenges together. And that's all that's important." Natasha said to him. "I feel silly for allowing myself to let any doubt cloud my way. Everything seemed too perfect. I'm not used to having something go so well; it always raised red flags. This is true with any personal relationships, romantic or otherwise. But that was the past…this is the present. Guess I still have a lot to learn."

Bruce held Natasha closer and tighter. She accepted his advance.

"I still have a lot to learn too. But I won't be alone."

He placed his hand gently on Natasha's cheek and the two shared a soft kiss. Letting their lips part, the two touched foreheads as they continued to hold each other lovingly. They weren't normal, they weren't perfect…but they were right for one another.


End file.
